January 24, 2012
I am so tired and coffee sick at the same time, I don’t even know.
I’m glad Cyndi dragged me out of the house, and I’m glad Sam was a surprise. I love him and Frank. It was only two hours, but it was enjoyable. Sam drew us the United States. I am a whale.
They wanted me to come back to Cyndi’s with them, as I always do, but I can’t stand to be out of my room this long. I keep trying to think that maybe this random spiral of depression is what I really need to figure out what i want to do from this point on.
I have a beer and I have cigarettes. I’m pretty set.
Tomorrow, I’m supposed to hang out with Dillon’s best friend CJ, with Meagan and Jake I believe. He and I have been texting since yesterday, and I find it really funny. We come from two completely different sides of the situation and each had the same thoughts and worries over it. Last night Meagan said, “I think we’re going to end up hanging out with Dillon’s friends after he’s gone.” Later that night CJ text me about how Dillon had made all these friends, and now that he’s gone, he feels like he needs to hang out with them. Mind you, I’ve met the kid once. He put it best when he said, “Kind of strange how one person who is generally an asshole brings people together, eh?”
Things are interesting. I want to meet new people. I think I’ve gotten motivated enough to get my license and possibly a car, though insurance is going to kill me. I’m going to get my tattoo. I’m going to move forward.
But for right now, I want to stay in my room, alone. I am starting to enjoy being alone. Maybe too much. Not even because I feel as awful as I did last night, which was the worst I have ever felt. But because I need to regroup, and then go out and do everything I can to live the way I want to live.
I have no idea why any of this is a caption to that photo…………. pic unrelated….
