We got coffee, visited Cyndi, bought her soup and Sam a hat, went back to Kroger to get strawberries and just talked about all kinds of stuff. Life. Jokes. Movies. Relationships. Tommy. Ideas. I dunno.
Very cool. I enjoyed it a lot, despite my lack of sleep.
Lance and Meagan later. Stoked, as I really haven’t gotten to hang with Meagan very much at all since Chicago and I adore Lance and the perfection that is him. Possible party on Saturday? Leap year party at Kourtney’s on Wednesday. I feel like I’m missing something on Sunday. Who know!
“Remember the good ol days when mail was delivered in the morning and Timmy rode his bike hand delivering the newspaper? Yeah. Neither do I but god damnit. Those were the days…. minus the sexism and lead paint of course.”—Meagan is having trouble getting the mail.
Last night, someone told me they were shocked my friends and I play beer pong and that it wasn't really "our scene."
What do you think we do, sit around and drink every time one of us has a feeling or says something ironically? Silly.
But last night was really fun, playing pong and then going to Cyndi’s and hanging out with her and Sam. I really had a great time and woke up in a great mood. I’m tired and I don’t feel well, but hoping the day turns out promising.
But I think I’m going to be sober for a while. I literally do not remember the last time I was sober for more than three days in a row. It’s been months.
I need to figure what I want. I need to go home and stay home for a night or two. Fuck, I need to shower. I’ve been having great times with great people but I need a really boring recovery day to just get all my thoughts together.
I’m staring out into that vaccum again
From the back porch of my mind
The only thing that’s alive
I’m all there is
So I start attacking my vodka
Stab the ice with a straw
My eyes have turned red as stoplights
You seem ready to walk
You know I’ll call you eventually
When I wanna talk
Until then you’re invisible
Because there’s a switch that gets hit
And it all stops making sense.
And in the middle of drinks
Maybe the fifth or sixth
I’m completely alone
At a table of friends
I feel nothing for them
I feel nothing
Well I need a break from the city again
I think I’ll ship myself back west
I got a friend there, she says
Unless that offer’s expired
I have been less than frequent
She’s under no obligation
To indulge every whim
And I’m so ungrateful, I take
She gives and forgives
And I keep forgetting it
And each morning she wakes
With a dream to describe
Something lovely that bloomed
From her beautiful mind
I said “I’ll trade you one
For two nightmares of mine
I have some where I die
I have some where we all die”
I’m thinking of quitting drinking again
I know I said that a couple of times
And I’m always changing my mind
Well, I guess I am
But there’s this burn in my stomach
And there’s this pain in my side
And when I kneel at the toilet
And the morning’s clean light
Pours in through the window
Sometimes I pray I don’t die
I’m a goddamn hypocrite
But the night rolls around
And it all starts making sense
There is no right way or wrong way
You just have to live
And so I do what I do
And at least I exist
What could mean more than this?
What could mean more?