Watched two seasons of Community. Modded a pair of jeans. Got bubble tea with Emma and Alyssa. Went to Eden Park. Went to the conservatory. Went to the park at the levee by the river. Went to the pod. Had great talks. Went to Cyndi’s with Kourtney. Went to the 24 hour unsupervised laundry mat that you can smoke in with Cyndi, Kourtney, Sam, and Brittany. Brought the iPod dock and listened to music and sang and danced until four. Talked with Kourtney in her car until seven.
I’d say it was a super productive day.
Now I’m going to sleep for god knows how long, wake up, and go to a leap year party.
Are the lazy days, when I didn’t sleep all night, and having someone come over to spend the whole day napping and cuddling and watching movies with. The windows open to hear the birds. That is something I very very much miss. Sharing lazy days.
I miss sharing every moment with someone. Because then, time never felt wasted. Something was always being accomplished. I was always learning something.
I want a lover I don’t have to love I want a girl who’s too sad to give a fuck Where’s the kid with the chemicals? I thought he said to meet me here but I’m not sure I got the money if you got the time You said it feels good I said I’ll give it a try Then my mind went dark We both forgot where your car was parked Let’s just take the train I’ll meet up with the band in the morning Bad actors with bad habits Some sad singers They just play tragic And the phone’s ringing And the van’s leaving Let’s just keep touching Let’s just keep keep singing I want a lover I don’t have to love I want a boy who’s so drunk he doesn’t talk Where’s the kid with the chemicals I got a hunger and I can’t seem to get full I need some meaning I can memorize The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
Anyone who REALLY knows me, knows how much animals and nature have a profound impact on my life, even though I don’t talk about it much.
A few months ago it was very cold and kind of snowy and I was sitting outside at four in the morning on my front porch smoking. While doing so, a giant buck with huge antlers walked right into my front yard, less than fifteen feet away from me. He wandered in, just standing there for quite sometime, and then slowly wandered out of the yard and ran across the street. Moments like that make me feel like it’s a little sign saying that everything is okay, and everything is connected and for a brief moment this deer and I were both in the freezing cold just surviving together. I love those moments.
Though it definitely isn’t as epic, just a moment ago I was smoking out of my bedroom window as I do and a cardinal landed in the tree infront of my house. This tree means a lot to me, because this has always been my room and I have always been able to see it, and when we moved here, it was shorter than the front porch. It is now taller than the house, and I watched it grow, and we’ve grown together. I very much like this tree. Anyways. This cardinal lands in the tree, and my dad was very into cardinals and other birds, especially the golden finch, when I was younger and when we saw a cardinal, he or my mom would call us kids to the windows so we could watch them. While I watched this bird, another cardinal landed next to him, and I watched them until they flew away. Moments after, a blue bird, another bird my dad very very much into, landed in the tree. I laughed out loud at the chances of that happening when another bluebird landed right next to him.
It sounds stupid, and it’s simple, and silly. But all of those things coming together made me realize spring is coming, and while I may not be in the best place right now, time isn’t stopping for me and it will allow for things to get better. And the birds knew that. And it’s very special to me that the four of them ended up right in front of me in my tree that I have grown with all of my life.
Not sure if lenten is a word. ANYWAYS. I do not believe in lent or any of the things surrounding lent but I have an awful concept of time. So this will have to work.
I will only allow myself to eat things consisting of vegetables, fruit, and meats and breads in portions under 250 calories. This will force me to get more creative about my food options and probably be very interesting. If I eat a meal that is greasy or down right bad for you or binge, I will have to do 30 minutes of hula hooping for each time I do that. This will get me back into hula hooping.
Sunday will be a day where I can take a break and eat something greasy and not care, and that day can be exchanged for another day of the week on the chance that I am invited to dinner or something of that sort by family or friends and it’s a place I don’t get to go often.
By spring I hope to be able to wear my crop top, and buy more, and feel more comfortable in my skin.