People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you.
You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like wherever they like with total impunity.
Fuck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.
You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your permission, don’t even start asking for theirs.
I don’t know why I went out the past two nights. Actually I do. Because with this bullshit it’s making me insanely sensitive and if I don’t get to go out I feel left behind. But when I do go out, I feel like shit.
My mom asked me today if I’ve been running a fever, and I told her I have been. She told me I need to stay in bed and not leave, to take it really easy. Because having a fever means that blood from the burst cyst has gone not only to my stomach which has been making me nauseous, but blood has seeped into my abdominal cavity and is getting more infected each day.
So she says to stay in bed. But what she doesn’t realize is that “bed” is twin size mattress pad. And there isn’t a tv, or anything of that nature. It’s a twin sized mattress pad where I writhe in pain, alone, all day. Of course I end up crying. It’s horrible.
The fact that we have to wait until Tuesday to get this figured out is fucking ridiculous. I don’t care what they do. I don’t care if they cut me open. I just want it done with.
I may go to my mom’s for tomorrow and the next day, then go to the doctor tuesday and get it figured out.
All I know is I’m not going well. But at least I have the best friends in the world. And the sweetest boyfriend. Ever. He’s trying so hard to make me feel better even though there isn’t anything he can do.
My mom says I need to stay in bed and take it insanely easy, as theyre sure blood is leaking into my stomach, so there may be some leaking into my abdominal cavity that can get infected and cause all kinds of issues.
it sounds cocky and it sounds arrogant, and it sounds downright hypocritical.
and trust me i’m aware. but if you’re in high school, feeling suicidal, and think there’s no hope in life. hold out.
i mean it. you might regret it at times, depending on the chemical balance of your brain, and i get that. i’m not all happy and rainbows, and trust me i do my fair share of crying. but just wait.
the best advice i can give anyone is to move out as soon as you’re out of high school.
i’m not joking. even if you don’t have the means to. trust me, i didn’t. and i had to even swallow my pride more than once or twice to get by. but do it.
being broke as fuck will do a lot for you. not having a tv, internet, not being able to eat some days, learning that water from a tap really is an amazing cultural advancement, all of that will do you so much good.
and it’s tough at first. because you’ll be stressed. and you’ll be angry. and you’ll be sad. and trust me, you will take it out on people who don’t deserve it and you will develop a strong distaste for other lavish lifestyles of which you can not afford due to pure bitterness. but it’s the best advice i can give you.
because after you get over all that, you see what’s important. and it’s relationships. it’s friendships. it’s family. and it will mean so much more to you than you’ve ever imagined and suddenly you get what your parents have tried to explain for years but it just didn’t click.
these are the building blocks of life. to quote chuck palahniuk, “it’s only after we’ve lost everything, that we’re free to do anything.” you align your priorities. figure out what is important. and most importantly, and i cannot stress this enough, you figure out what is real.
maybe i lucked out. because all my friends and i did this at the same time. we’re all doing it together and all figuring ourselves and each other out. and we may get the worst reputation for it. but i feel like we’re doing it right.
and say what you will, call us trash, or wastes or pieces of shit, i have no problem having that argument, i’ll defend that to no end.